Decisions

      The rain rattled hard on the metal roof of the overhang to the entrance way of the small cabin. Walt stood outside the nondescript gray door, hands half in his jean pockets , propped against the support post of the small porch staring out into the damp, green and brown forest. The air was crisp and cool. Spring in New York. It was gray, muddy and nasty. Patches of white and gray snow lay in clumps along the gravel driveway and forest-floor. The rain was helping in washing the dreariness of winter away.

            Fog rolled across the ground as he watched the headlights of the small, red chevy cut through the mist. The engine stopped abruptly and she pulled the hood of her navy blue hoodie over her head, her sneakers kicking up gravel as she ran towards the cabin. “Open the door.” She said repeatedly and Walt swung the door open and followed her in.

            “I didn’t think you were coming, Kristin.” He said as she dropped her damp hoodie over the nearest chair. Walt couldn’t help but trace over her with his eyes. She was clad in a form-fitting pink tee-shirt with a deep v neckline that showed just enough, jeans and a pair of white and purple sneakers that she knelt down and started untying.

            “I didn’t think I was either.” She said, glancing up at Walt, her blueish gray eyes meeting his as she paused. “What? You think this is easy for me?”

            “What are you doing?” Walt asked puzzled. She looked down at herself to make sure everything was okay with her appearance before stating the obvious.

            “I’m… taking off my shoes?” she said with an incredulous laugh.

            “Yeah I know. I mean why?” Kristin cocked an eyebrow, smirking.

            “So I don’t get the floor all wet and nasty?” she asked rhetorically. “Look go do something for a minute. Get me something to drink.”

            “Uh… okay. Sure.” He said, spinning around to the small kitchen he had to his left. With the exception of the bedroom and bathroom, the small cabin was one big open space, the kitchen, dining room and living room all one area. There was a couch, a flat-screen TV of questionable size (there wasn’t any reception or cable, not that it mattered since everything watched was on DVD) and small wood stove.

            “Diet Coke?” Walt shouted.

            “Nope.” She replied. “What else?”

            “Regular coke?”

            “You are sooo a guy.” She laughed.

            “Wine?”

            “Absolutely not. Not with what I’m here for.”

            “What are you here for, anyways?” Walt asked.

            Kristin went silent for a minute.

            Then, “Y’know what? Better give me a glass of wine. Actually on second thought bring me a whole bottle.”

            Walt came around the small island, a can of Coke in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

            Kristin was curled-up in the corner of the couch nearest the stove. She reached out and took the wine glass, sipping it gingerly. “Thank you.” She said as Walt sat down on the opposite side of the couch. Her hair was an organized mess; the blond mane wildly pulled back into a ponytail with a black-scrunchy, a few stray locks hanging down by her ears and cheek. She looked positively adorable in his eyes. She rested one cheek on her palm as she faced him.

            “Soooo…” he said, sucking in a deep breath as he cracked the tab on his soda. “I wasn’t expecting you up here.”

            “Soooo ..... I wasn’t expecting to come out here.” She said flatly.

            “Why did you?”

            She shifted her position, pulling the back of shirt down over her exposed back, catching Walt’s eyes as she did so. “Eyes up front, Dearest.” She smirked.

            “What? I’m giving you an extraordinary amount of undivided attention.”

            “Uh-huh.” She said. “Seriously, can we talk?”

            “I’m listening.” Walt said. She cocked an eyebrow again.

            “Are you sure?”

            “I am completely focused.”

            “On me?”

            “On you.” Walt said.

            “Uh-huh.” She said smirking. “Walt?”

            “Honest-to-God.” He said laughing as he moved a little closer to her.

            “Mike,” she started, her lips going straight as her tone got more serious. “I loved hanging out with you these past few months. But…”

            “Oh come on,” Walt said.

            “You knew walking into this friendship where things were destined.”

            “I… know.” He said, obviously frustrated. He put his face in his hands.

            “I… don’t,” Kristin struggled with her words. Walt glanced over as she started speaking.

            That’s usually how these things start isn’t it?

            Just a simple glance.

            “Kristin?”

            “What?”

            “Where is it?”

            She looked all over and then followed his hands to her hand, which she quickly covered. “I was doing dishes. I didn’t want anything to happen to it.”

            “Uh huh.” Walt said as he turned towards her and inched his way over closer.

            “Seriously.”

            “So,” Walt started. “You drove all the way over here. You’re not wearing… “it.” And where are the kids again?”

            She stuck her tongue out at him. “They are at my parents.”

            “Oh right. Your parents. The same parents who can’t get enough of their grandchildren? The same parents that volunteer to watch them for days if need be.”

            “You’re...” she started before Walt propped up, inches from her face. “You, are making this extremely hard.”

            “Oh poor choice of words.” Walt said. She smiled.

            “I’m serious,” she warned, although she smirked.

            “I’m serious too.” Walt replied back. She sat upright.

            “I really don’t want this to get-!”

            Their lips met. Her eyes went shut as she felt the gentle softness of his lips as they kissed. He pulled back from her and their eyes met.

            “Tell me that didn’t mean anything?” Walt said. Her eyes seemed to sparkled and her voice cracked ever-slightly as she opened her mouth.

            “That isn’t the problem.” She said, her hand on the back on his neck as he moved towards her again. There was another kiss and this time she felt his mouth travel to her cheek and then down her neck.

            “N-no,” she said softly. “Don’t.”

            “Why? Walt asked. She opened her eyes, and found his head resting on her stomach. “Don’t do this?” He started hiking up the pink shirt and this time she actually started to resist.

            “No please.”

            “Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked. She could hear the concern in his voice and she shook her head.

            “No. It’s not that-!” He resumed pulling the shirt up. “It’s… stretch-marks.”

            He kissed her navel and she closed her eyes, running her fingers over his head.

          

            “What stretch-marks?” he asked. “I don’t see any such thing.”

            She glanced down and ran a finger over one of striated-marks. “You don’t see this?”

            He kissed along the area she pointed out. “Nope. I don’t see anything but a Halo and wings.” He said softly raising the shirt higher. She finally pulled off the rest and Walt stood slack-jawed, surprised she was a bit more endowed than he thought. She smiled at his awe-struck expression. She wrapped her arms around him as the rain increased outside, thunder rumbling gently overhead.      "You can pick up your jaw now" she said giggling "and you can find me some music." "Actually you can put this on" Kristin handed him a disc.

             "Only you would bring your own soundtrack" said Walt as Kristin only shrugged. " Only you." shaking his head as he moved to place the disc in the dvd player and pressed play.

           Walt laughed as "Hello again, it's you and me Kinda always like it used to be Sippin' wine, killing time Trying to solve life's mysteries" Bon Jovi sang through the TV speakers. "Only you" Walt said again shaking his head as he turn back to Kristin.

           " Just you wait" said Kristin smiling as she returned to the couch and flopped down on it.

             " I don't intend to" Walt smiled and the suddenly turned serious. " Are you really sure? Cause I can't do this and then not do this. No hiding no running. This is the tough choices I meant. And you have to do what makes you happy, not what I want, not what he wants, not what you think you should do. I want you to do what you want."

Kristin raised up on the couch and rested her cheek in her palm as her elbow dug into the couch cushion. Her eyes met his as she carefully began to speak.

        " I wouldn't do that to you. But I can ask the same of you. Are YOU sure? You have the same stakes that I do. Are you sure that you want to do this? I told you I don't second place, and I don't share well. And honestly, pay attention here because this is the only billboard your getting ,after everything we fucked up before, if I have you, then I have all of you, I am not going to share and there is no going back......" Kristin laughed as John Legend's voice sang " Cause all of me loves all of you"

Walt didn't answer her. He stood there for a moment, his eyes intently watching her as if expecting her to jump up and change her mind while she made a run for the door.

" Walt, " her voice was very soft as she said it "Walt,you have always been Walt to me... in memories in my heart and as much as I try I can't call you Mike... it just doesn't feel right... but any way ... Walt could ya maybe quit making me nervous."

Still he didn't answer. His eyes searched hers as Kristin got up from the couch and crossed the floor to him. Waiting for a reaction she reached out and wrapped her arms around him. She stood on her tip toes and rested her chin on his shoulder. The smell of peach and nexxus enveloped him as she leaned into him and he felt her sigh, he felt her shoulders drop and a wet drop hit his shoulder as she started to pull away. Walt reached around her with his right arm pulling her back against him as he very gently wiped away the tear running down her cheek, and tucked the few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

Still he said nothing. But as she looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears he lowered his head to hers and answered her by pressing his lips against hers, tenatively at first but deepening as they both gave in to the built up want. and it was as though a switch had been flipped.

" For keeps?" Kristin whispered as he took her hand. Still Walt was silent as he pulled her after him , slowly they moved from the warm and lit living area into the dark coolness of the bedroom.

The light from the living area filtered in the door illuminating the small bedroom. Still holding her hand Walt tipped his head down and kissed her again. This time there is nothing tenative about the kiss.

His lips softened as her tongue mingles with his for a split second before breaking the kiss. With Kristin leaning against him Walt's hands skim across her bare shoulders and down her arms until he expertly unhooked her bra with one hand and lets it fall to the soft carpet. Kristin raised up her arms and wrapped them around his neck. Standing up on her tip toes Kristin presses her lips against Walt’s. 

A sigh escaped as he broke the kiss. The feel of her skin against his tee shirt causes Kristin to shiver.    “Walt, you still haven’t answered me”

“What you talking about Willis” Walt laughs and pulls her closer.

“ No seriously… you gotta actually talk to me…”

“ um, no, better idea” Walt reaches up to pull her pony tail. Kristin pushes him back and stares him down,

“ stop kidding, I am dead serious. You need to talk to me. This is way too much déjà vu. If I am half naked and end up in this bed with you. Then I cannot be devastated again. If you kick me out of this car again, I lose I hell of a lot more an”

Walt stops her with a kiss. And again she pushes him away.

“Would you please cut that shit out and talk to me”

“Don’t get all pissy with me. It won’t end well.”

“Then just talk to me”

Releasing Kristin’s hair Walt steps back and shoves his hands into his pockets. “if you would just shut up, I am trying to show you”

“I need words Walt, I can’t do show… I need words, I need to know where you stand..”

“ I am standing right here.. I would be better though if you would relax and we could lay on the bed and stop talking”

“ Walt,, we fuck things up. I can’t relax, I can’t do this again. I can’t let you in, and no there is no pun intended, and then have you walk away again. If we do this I can’t watch you walk back to L. I just don’t have it in me to lose you again.” And again Kristin’s eyes brim with tears.

“Would you knock off the crying” Walt moves back close to her and brushes the tears from her cheeks. He notices she is shivering and once more wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him.

“Would you just stop. Stop the what ifs, stop the worst case scenerio, just let it be. I am right here and not going anywhere at this moment.”

“But you said this moment, what about”

Walt shuts her up by claiming her mouth with his as he gathers her up in his arms and carries her the 3 ft to the small twin bed. Worn down by emotions Kristin gives in leaning all her weight against his chest and sighing as she breaks the kiss to rest her head on his shoulder and burying her face in his neck,inhaling deeply the scent of him. 

Gently Walt places her down on the bed pulling the worn fleece blanket over her bare skin. Finaly he lays on top of the blanket next to her. Slipping one arm under her neck he slides her over until she is pressed against the wall her head still leaning on his shoulder and her face still buried in his neck. The organized mess that was her pony tail is now loose tendrils of hair covering her cheek and brushing against his neck. Using his free left hand he reaches down and tucks the loose hair behind her ear running his fingers through her hair and smoothing it down as well as her nerves.

                He can feel the sobs begin to slow and the rise and fall of her chest begins to regulate itself. Still stroking her hair Walt feels her body begin to relax and the tension melting away. He realizes with the with weight of her body pressed on him that Kristin is completely asleep. And Quietly he untangles himself and makes his way silently out the door.